Well, I was going to embed that hackneyed Olivia Neutron-Bomb video in this post but it um…it’s got too many oily beau hunks for my liking. But hey, if that’s your thing, who am I to disappoint?

At any rate I went to the doctor today for my annual physical. Um, let me rephrase that. It was my first ever annual physical. I figured that at the age of 39 and with my hernia repair surgery a thing of the past, now was the time to get it done. Besides, the Grim Reaper’s bony grasp is inching ever closer and shows no sign of slowing down, so I best take care of myself now before it’s too late.

From all indications–physically, at least–I’m as in good a shape as a 39-year-old man can be. My weight was 204 lbs. which is almost where I want to be. That made me feel really, really good about myself. But what made all of this even better was my weight loss which astounded the doctor.

Doctor: You lost how much?

Me: Over 90 pounds.

Doctor: And you did this on your own?

Me: Yep. I just got tired of being fat.

Doctor: How did you do it?

Me: Eating less and moving more. In fact I rode my bike over 8 miles today before coming in to see you.

Doctor: (smiles) That’s very commendable. Most people don’t have the will power to lose that much.

Me: Well, I did and I haven’t looked back.

Needless to say, he was quite impressed as any doctor would be. If it’s your job to look after the welfare of your patients, such a significant drop in weight shows you’re serious about your health. And as most of you know, my weight loss is no joke to me.

Then it was time for the prostate exam. And guys, if you’ve never had one, it’s everything you’ve heard about. They may only last a few seconds but Lord have mercy, they seem like an eternity of…well…[description edited for taste] probing.

Ahem. But thankfully, everything checked out fine. And that’s good because I’m really not looking forward to my next one in a year. (In all seriousness, any guy my age should suck up the stigma of the prostate exam and get it done. It’s very important to your health, so guys, schedule yours today.)

About the only thing left to do is get my bloodwork done and that’ll happen when I’ve got some extra time. While I’m relatively certain that everything will be okay, there’s always that thought in the back of my mind that something will be wrong.

But I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.

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Some curious Web surfer searched for “big john’s beans and fixin’s” and came across ye olde blog. And I cripes, have to admit I’m quite embarrassed.

Check out this image from June 2005 (and ignore my old URL):

BLAAAARRGH! I ATE THE PROM!!

Ahem. I’m pleased to say that’s nowhere near I am today as is evident by this photo, even though it was taken about 5 lbs. ago:

My sincerest apologies to those who may have found the first image offensive. Meh, I’m sure the second one is too, so I’m sorry for that one as well.

And I promise an updated progress photo is coming soon. In fact, I’ll even hold up a pair of my Fat Guy Pants for comparison purposes!

(Note: I just checked my previous entry. I really need to stop saying that and just make with the picture already, huh?)

This entry is a SimulPost and can also be seen at HolographicMeatloaf

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Keep in mind that this is in addition to everything else I do: eating right, walking, etc. That long stretch downward was the week I was sick; the sudden spike afterwards was Father’s Day when I obviously felt good enough to eat plenty. The red dot is a note: “I ate too much.”

Also know that the Wii Fit scale seems a bit off at times, nowhere near what my bathroom scale reads.

A nice investment so far. Now if I can only get my employer to reimburse me for it…

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I got them all as gifts for Christmas last year, and as a matter of fact, many of them didn’t fit when I tried them on. Ann’s mom assured me she kept the receipt in case I wanted to return them.

I told her there was no need for it; I would fit in them soon.

So here it is nearly six months later and those same pants that I could not button are now falling under the category of Fat Guy Pants, or sizes I used to wear. They simply don’t stay up and with a belt; there’s too much excess.

One trip to Old Navy solved that problem, where I purchased at least three new work outfits (XL shirts and size 40 pants). While size 40 may not sound exactly small, chew on this: I was wearing size 48 and I am almost 40. But the two together and it begins to make a little sense.

I have to admit, however, that I was a little disappointed to find that despite dropping 71 lbs. so far, size 38 is still a bit too snug. If I ever When I can fit into a 38, it will be the first time since high school, and that will be ultra-cool.

Gotta run. Have a good weekend, all

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Psst. CNN. I’m getting there, mmmkay?

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I’m a Wiik (ha!) late to the party, but I got my Wii Fit at Target this morning! Watch for an interesting follow-up later today.

UPDATE 7 p.m.: My experience at Target when purchasing my Wii Fit is about as interesting as anything.

I arrived a bit before their 8 a.m. opening time where the usual group of Hot Wheels Dorks was congregating in the hopes of finding the latest Treasure Hunt vehicles. When the doors opened, I bolted to the Electronics Department and stood in line.

That’s when things got, um, interesting. There were about two groups of men speaking in a foreign tongue that I could not decipher (or even take a guess at). And at the risk of offending anybody I won’t even venture to give their native tongue a name. But these guys all had a few things in common. They all:

• Had California Reseller’s Permits, which means you’ll see plenty of overpriced Wii Fit units on the street real quick;
  
• Worked in teams, speaking with their cohorts at a blazingly fast rate of speed during the checkout process so as to confuse the cashier(s);
• Bought Target Gift Cards in addition to the units, one of them for $1,000;
• Paid in cash;
• Bought the same brand pre-paid cell phone with their Wii Fit unit.

It all seemed rather strange to me and their transactions were pure and utter chaos. One of them claimed he gave the cashier $150 and not the $120 she had tendered, one claimed he was charged too much, and once they were all done and trying to sort out their take in this little con, one of them actually tried to take the unit I was paying for as it was being rung up. By then I had had enough of their bulls***.

“That one’s mine, f***er,” I told the greedy bastard. His hand retracted quicker than he could speak.

So to the Electronics Department at Target T-195 in Long Beach, CA (my former store, BTW), if your registers are off at the end of the day, this could very well be the reason why. Those guys worked fast, talked fast, and seemed ready to swindle.

Anyway…I’ve only had a few minutes to spend with the Wii Fit. Here’s a few helpful hints:

• If you have carpeting, place a piece of wood underneath for an accurate weight measurement. At first I weighed 146 (!) but after placing a piece of wood under the platform, it was correct.
• The Weight Loss Goal only goes up to 22 lbs. so if you plan to lose more, you’ll have to start at 22 lbs. and once you reach that, start again with the remainder. In my case, it’ll be 22 lbs. plus another 10+ lbs.
• I “jogged” and did the Hula Hoop exercise. It’d definitely fun!

I’m sure I’ll be adding more to my other blog so check it out for more info and results. I begin using it tonight so we’ll see how things go!

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This entry is a SimulPost and can also be read at HolographicMeatloaf.com

If you ask me, it’s a little of both.

Author David Zinczenko is ca$hing in on the laziness of Americans by catering to their one vice: fast food. In his book Eat This, Not That! he tackles the issue of choosing between which of the worst foods are actually, well, better than the other.

Take the example on the cover. Although it’s hard to see, the author—he’s the editor-in-chief of Men’s Health magazine—is telling you to choose a Big Mac (540 calories; 29g of fat) over a Whopper (760 calories; 46g of fat).

Well, gollllly, Sgt. Carter! That’s fantastic! By eating the Big Mac, I not only save all those calories but also cut my fat intake to 29g instead of 46g for one meal! I guess I’ll order the fries, too!

But wait! What about the sodium content? The Big Mac has 1,040 mg of sodium; the Whopper has 1,450 mg. When you consider that the RDA is 2,400 mg, either one will get you nearly halfway to your RDA for sodium in no time flat. And remember, too, that the RDA amounts are based on a 2,000 calorie daily intake. So when you factor in the amount of calories, fat, sodium and saturated fat (with an RDA of 20g) of the burgers, neither is “healthier” than the other.

Also consider that as editor-in-chief of a health magazine, the man’s lifestyle is likely to be less sedentary than the average person trying to drop a few pounds. In fact, it’s not uncommon for marathoners and runners to consume high-calorie meals as most will be expended during their run so that they have enough in reserve at the end of their run and don’t, um, die afterwards.

If you’re truly serious about losing weight, here’s a thought: avoid fast foods. That isn’t my advice; that came from my doctors. And rumor has it that they know a little about the human body.

Now I’m not saying I don’t enjoy an occasional fast food meal but I don’t make them a staple of my diet. (If I do eat out, it’s mostly chicken—I’ve given up red meat and fried foods.) I didn’t lose my weight by not brown-bagging it to work, not making healthy meals the night before, not cutting up watermelons and pineapples to make my daily 2 cups of fruit, or not drinking at least 2 pints of water per day. Losing and maintaining your weight is all about choices and if your dilemma is choosing between a Big Mac and a Whopper, you’re doing it wrong.

Sure, David Zinczenko is good-looking, successful and had his book featured all over the place. But in Eat This, Not That! the only thing the dude is doing is saving you from reading the nutritional values and combining the information with pretty pictures in a perfect-bound package. Crap on a cone still isn’t ice cream no matter how you look at it, even if you once dated Rose McGowan.

Look, if all you want is fast food nutritional information that is constantly updated, it’s available for free on Dottie’s Weight Loss Zone, my one source for Weight Watchers Points Values before eating out.

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This entry is a SimulPost and can also be read at HolographicMeatloaf.com

That is until I feel the repercussions later in the day. And it sucks.

You see, I’m one of the many people in the world that’s lactose intolerant. I’ve had it all my life and have simply dealt with it, which isn’t easy when you eat cereal for breakfast pretty much every day of your life.

The other day we ran out of milk so I had to opt for toast and–cringe–Sunny Delight. (That’s what us older folk call it since that’s its original name. It’s still as crappy as it was when I was a kid. I also wear an onion on my belt–get off my lawn.)

Anyhoo, we went to the store after I got home and I decided to give something else a try, so I opted for what you see on this page: Silk Soymilk. I figured what the heck, it couldn’t possibly be worse than running to the bathroom every hour.

This morning I gave it a try. I poured some into a bowl of my favorite cereal and while my initial thought was “Wow, this looks like that crappy fat-free milk,” I sat down and took a spoonful.

And I’ll be damned if the stuff isn’t great. What’s more, I had a bowl of cereal and didn’t run to the bathroom a hour later. It really is tasty in cereal. As a result, I’ve decided that milk will be the latest item to be tossed off of my food list.

Here’s looking to tomorrow when I have my next enjoyable bowl of cereal. Thanks, Silk, for making lactose intolerance more tolerable with your product.

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This is a Simulpost and can also be seen at HolographicMeatloaf.com

(Note: This post is the first of what may be many SimulPosts, or entries that pertain to both of my blogs. This can also be seen at HolographicMeatloaf.com).

From the Phone-Cam…

It’s Bagel and Donut Day @ work today, and evidently they went to the Lard Lad for this sucker. It may not look big here, but this thing really is huge. It obscures the plate below it! And in case you’re wondering, I opted for a bagel